im holding on.. having no intention of letting go

my weekend.

Mon, 16 May 2005 14:29:55 GMT

wellll...

friday was my birthday:-) and i went to school.. had a fun day came home. and ola came over and gave me my gift:D i loved it.. ALL!!! then joe christian and mikey came over. and we all chilled for a while. then ola left me :( so me joe christian and mikey went to see monster in law. it was ok i guess..?

yeah then saturday. family came over til about 4-5ish. and i got gifts and stuff:D then at like 930 i went to my party thingy. but i left that around 11ish?? and me joe christian andy b ola mikey mike l all went to mikeys house. not getting into all the details that went on there lmao. yeah so we all went and took mike home at like 1 then the rest of us went back to mikeys and yeah. me ola joe and andy b had no place to stay lmao. SOO we all slept in joes car. well we didnt even sleep. ola did though<3 yeah soo i guess around 530? we went to coney island and ate. aha. and finally i guess we all went to sleep at like 8. i woke up at like 10 and then me and andy b woke joe up at like 1030ish and we took andy b home then me.

so yesterday. i come home at 11? take a shower and just got to sleep. i woke up at 5 and joe came over for a while. then when he left i just chilled around the house.. yupp

and now today.. i stayed home from school because 1. im very very very very tired and 2. im sick:(
yeah.. but thats about itt

Fri, 13 May 2005 19:28:08 GMT

dude. ITS TODAY :D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D

long weekend ahead of me. so ill update when its all over

Thu, 12 May 2005 20:55:02 GMT

ONE MORE DAY!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

<3

im so excited!

to you

Tue, 10 May 2005 23:24:02 GMT

your mom stopped by today. we talked for a few. it was kinda nice talking to her. i hadnt seen her in forever. we talked.. about you. and how me and you just arent the same anymore.. she asked me what was going on.. and i looked at her.. because i honestly dont know what drove us apart. it just kinda hurts me that you became someone i used to know....

June 9th, 2003 --- *you* should know who you are....

other than that. my day was great!!!! 3 more days!

my weekend.

Sun, 08 May 2005 20:28:11 GMT

well heres my weekend.

FRIDAY- chilled. jerome came over at 6ish. left around 7ish? then joe came over and we watched a day after tomorrow. and later that night christian and kris came by. went out to eat at taco bell. then me and joe came back here.

SATURDAY- okay. dude. me and ola went to sterling at 12 for the track meet and ended staying there til like 4. yeah. lmao. feel our pain. then we went to the mall. and left at like 530. came home. chilled for a little and around 10 went out with joe christian and mikey to rachel's house? it was her birthday. me and joe only stayed there for like an hour. but yeah

and today..

woke up. took a shower. got ready. went to my uncle tom's for mothers day<3 it was fun. i love my family<3 aww. lol but yeah

update later.

<3

great day<3

Sat, 07 May 2005 03:28:48 GMT

today.

at school

1- vocab. and "intro" sheet
2- just took notes
3- just talked and chilled all hour
4- watched the rest of saving private ryan.
5- worked outttttt
6- lit. groups. 8-) yeahh

after school

watched my brother til 5. chilled around the house. at like 6ish? jerome came over. we chilled for a little. yeah. then at 7ish. joe came over and we started watching 'a day after tomorrow' then a little while later. christian and kris came over. and we finished the movie. when it was done went to taco bell. they ate. then me and joe came back here. chilled. and yeah.

good day:D

update later<3

Thu, 05 May 2005 21:05:24 GMT

all im gunna say is..

im fuckin confused.

<3

shit.

Thu, 05 May 2005 02:32:08 GMT

today was fucking boring. i swear it was like the most boring day of my life.

okay -- my day.

1st- fuckin review. test tomorrow
2nd- another review. test tomorrow
3rd- art okay. yeah feel my pain<3
4th- watched saving private ryan
5th- worked my ass off. ew
6th- read books ALL HOURRRRRR

then after school. i came home and slept. and christian called and woke me up!! i was mad at first cuz i wanted to sleep-- but then again it worked out bc i had to wake up anyway to watch my bro. yeah him and his friend, Justin passed out flyers for their cutting lawn service. lmao its called "kid cut"
yeah see what i deal with everyday. then yeah around 745 went tanning. yeahh man. then came home and called kalyn:D im happy for her!!! talked to her for a while. then just talked online. yeah what a fun day.

9 days!!:D:D:D:D

</3 this sucks.

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!

Wed, 04 May 2005 01:21:11 GMT

hmm.. TODAYY

1st hr- NOTES!!
2nd hr- stupid notes. and got homework. im not doing it though.
3rd hr- art. yeah enough said.
4th hr- watching "saving private ryan"
5th hr- bball. all that good stuff
6th hr- read "night" i love that book=)

got home around 245 took a shower OLA came over:D we almost WALKED TO MOTT and then we got to like arden and my mom called me and was like ill take you. so she dropped us off at mott. to walk the track meet. yeah wasnt AS FUNN today =( but its good.:) then went out to eat with andy b christian and joe. then kris came. yeah i was in a bad mood. so it wasnt that fun there. but yeah then we dropped andy b off. then christian then me:D and thats pretty much it. GOOD DAY!

10 days everyone!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Sun, 01 May 2005 17:45:33 GMT

wow. i shouldnt like him...

dude..

Sun, 01 May 2005 03:20:38 GMT

wow. today..

umm ola came over around 3 we chilled. had a good tiem like always<3
then around 315 joe joe called and invited us to go out to eatat red robin.
yeah.. well me and ola didnt go in. we walked to target and 7-11. yeah then we chilled in his car. we set the alarm off from the inside. WHO DOES THAT?! lmao. yeah. then after they were done eating. me joe ola andy b jerome jordan shane and 2 other ppl i forgot went to the fair. yeah it was retarded. so yeah. me joe ola and andy b left like after being there for like 15 min. and we drove around for like ever because i didnt wanna go home when my parents were there sooo yeah we went to 7-11 again and wcc and stuff. then finally came here and we all started to watch the exorsist the beginning but they didnt wanna watch it. so i ordered it for nothing. lol yeah whatever then we turned on *love and basketball* and we watched that. ola left at 10 and joe joe and andy b left at like 11ishh. yeah it was fun.

but im out. peace<3

ok.. today i did.....

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 03:04:20 GMT

today at like idk 715ishh i met up with collett at the corner and i swear for like an hour we just played catch. then around 830 joe stopped by then christian came, then mikey came and they all stayed til about 9 idkk.. then collett left and called me like 10 min. after she got home lol. wow gotta love her! but yeahh.. tomorrow. idk hopefully is more exciting. today was fun of course but yeah..

k bye

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 19:52:17 GMT

when i comment my whole name/icon stuff dont work so if i comment to you its gunna be under ltsx3makeithurt then its gunna say anonymous but its gunna be me. yeah just wanted to tell you!

whoever commented on the survey thing and said they cuddled with me. um im me please with ur name lol im just wondering who you are!<3

hmm.....

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:36:47 GMT

well today i wake up at 545? and i like couldnt keep my eyes open, so my mom said she'd let me sleep til 630 and then drive me to school, well i was so frickin tired so she just said she would let me stay home. she was being nice today<3 and soo im home yeah.. but i just wanted to tell you all that..

update later.
uhhh comment i guess? i dont really care

bored outta my mind

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 00:56:56 GMT

Have you ever...
--->Had a serious illness? nope
--->Eaten a bug? i think i have
--->Been on stage? yes
--->Joined a gang? nope
--->Been mentally disturbed? no
--->Used someone? no i couldnt imagine doing that
--->Wished to die? maybe like once
--->Questioned God's existence? yupp
--->Cursed at God? noo
--->Taken pills? no im not good at swallowing them

For a billion dollars would you...
--->Eat an ant farm? probably
--->Have same gender sex? ew no
--->Kill your best friend? are u kidding me?! no way
--->Hold up a convenience store? nahh
--->Shoot yourself in the leg? idk.. id be scared
--->Eat another person? ew hell noo
--->Jump off a three story building? if i was bungee jumping
--->Walk naked in a mall? hmm.. for the much money possibly i doubt it though
--->Shave your head? yeah its hair, it grows back.
--->Slap an old person? haha its mean, but id consider it for that much money
--->Eat your own vomit? thats just sick
--->Eat a booger? thats sick too

Last person you...
--->Kissed? ----- not saying
--->Hugged? JULIAN!
--->Loved? um....
--->Danced with? ahah um i think OLA

--->Hated? no comment
--->Gave the finger to? christian
--->Fought with? christian
--->Talked with? idk the last person??
--->Laughed with? joe or jerome or brittiny
--->Cuddled with? ----- not saying
--->Ate with? my lovely brother
--->Hung out with? everyone at the track meettt

ive been forgotten about..=(

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 00:43:39 GMT

lets see.. today

school was ok.

went to the track meet at sterling in the rain! ah it was frickin cold. i went with brit<3 and my mom was supposed to pick us up right? well she goes to fuckin mott after i told her i was at sterling then she got bitchy and whatever and we took brittiny home and now me and my mom havent talked. we havent actually talked nicely to eachother for like a week or so? yeah ever since shit with my dad everything has become pretty shitty..

yeah but idk.. so upset and confused about everything..
i guess i can pretend everythings ok.. im good at it..

well just wanted to update<3

brit thanks for doin the journal again!!!

=)

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 18:55:57 GMT

TRY THIS.

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite
sex.

2. Which is your favorite color out of red,
black, blue, green, yellow?

3. Your first initial?

4. Your month of birth?

5. Which color do you like more, black or
white?

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

7. Your favorite number?

8. Do you like California or Florida more?

9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?

10. Write down a wish. (A realistic one).

WHEN YOU'RE DONE, SCROLL DOWN
(DON'T CHEAT)
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
...........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
...........
..........
.........
........
......
....
...

THE ANSWERS

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow- you are a very happy person and give
good advice to those who are down.

3. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of ...love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your ...love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love
life looks very good.

4. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you ...fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong ...love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your ...love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your ...soul mate.

5. If you chose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

8. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.

9. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and to your love. And you arevery reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in your journal within one hour, and it will come true before your next birthday

im so stupid. i screw everything up!=(

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 02:12:56 GMT

well.. things are messed up.
i fucked things up with christian. whooo go me. no not really
things fuckin suck now. dads gone, and shit. and ugh i just hate
everything now. im like not even myself right now.

ahhh well ANYWAYSSSSS

tonight i went to the talent show. met up there with ola<3
i love her! yeah. it was boring at first, the ending was
kinda cool. came home. did nothing.

this weekend better be the shit. i need some fuckin fun!!

yeah. well im outttttttttt -- peace<3

when are things gunna be
right between us again?:-\

i just want things back to normal.

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 00:05:39 GMT

hmm..

-- lets look at my weekend

friday- babysat til 5 then chilled, talked on the phone then later
when to christians and watched "the grudge" i got scared, of course.

saturday- was with my mom pretty much all day. she just kinda needed
someone. and yeah.

sunday- dont even remember.

then this week so far, which has only been monday. has been ok.
things are kinda messed up right now. but i dont want everyone
to know whats goin on with me, so ill just leave it as "things
are kinda messed up." but yeah

OHHHHH congratulations ola!! so happy for you!!! :D:D:D

ok well im out.

<3 love you christian

basically last day of break.. fuck!!

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 03:18:33 GMT

1.First best friend: Amanda and Becca=)
2.First car: i dont have a car=(
3.First real kiss: hmm.. 8th grade
4.First break-up: my first real break up, was adam beginning of 8th grade.
5.First screenname: silkender134 lmfao. dont ask.
6.First self-purchased album: no idea dude
7.First funeral: my grand dads, but i was to young to really remember
8.First pets: Travis, aww i miss him=(
9.First piercing/Tattoos: ears
10.First credit card: dont have one.. yet
12.First enemy: i dont really remember. maybe jackie? 2nd grade 8-)
13.First big trip: i think i went to tennessee! yeah.. it was a real BIG trip

LASTS:

1.Last cigarette: dont smoke.
2.Last car ride: today, coming back from shopping with my mom=)
3.Last kiss: few weeks ago.
4.Last good cry: dont really remember. maybe 2 weeks ago?
5.Last library book checked out: i dont remember
6.Last movie seen in theatres: the ring 2, with christian=)
7.Last beverage drank: pepsi
8.Last food consumed: pizza
9.Last crush: christian
10.Last phone call: christian
11.Last time showered: today dawg
12.Last shoes worn: adidas sandles, not a day without them
13.Last item bought: clothes
14.Last annoyance: my retarded dog.
15.Last time wanting to die: ew never.
16.Last time scolded: a long time a go, when i lied. lmao. im really stupid

RELATIONSHIPS:

1.Who are your best friends: collett. thats it. shes the only one who stayed
true to me. i love you! even if were not that close anymore!!
2.Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no, but hopefully i will soon!!

FASHION/STUFF:

1.Where is your favorite place to shop? american eagle, a&f, pac sun hollister. yeah ya know.
2.Any tattoos or piercing?: no tatoos - but my ears are peirced and
hopefully my belly button soon!!

1.Do you do drugs? nope
2.What kind of shampoo do you use? pantene!!!
3.What are you most scared of? i dont exactly. i kinda hate being by myself.
4.What are you listening to right now? the used. "i caught fire in ur eyes" love it!!
5.Where do you want to get married? well either in a church, or somewhere by the water.
6.How many buddies are online? 71
7.What would you change about yourself? i hate how im so opinionated towards
everything. or how i always have to be right. idk im fuckin retarded.

FAVORITES:

1.Color: pink
2.Food: i love taco bell!
3.Girls Names: Riley
4.Boys Names: Landon
5.Subjects: i kinda like science.
6.Animals: animals.. are.. really annoying.
7.Sports: basketball

HAVE YOU EVER?

1.Given anyone a bath? nope
2.Smoked? no
3.Bungee jumped? No, but i want toooooo
4.Made yourself throw up? ew no
5.Skinny-dipped? no but it sounds fun
6.Been in love? i wish i could say i was, but i dont think so =/
7.Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? ahaahha i do it all the time
8.Pictured your crush naked? lmfao, yes but i only did it once.
9.Seen your crush naked? no, but itd be cool if i did. aha
10.Cried when someone died? yes.. like a lot!!
11.Lied? oh yeah, all the time. but just to my parents
12.Fallen for your best friend? dude, no
13.Been rejected? yes. i think i have.
14.Rejected someone? yes=( i felt so bad.
15.Used someone? no thats so wrong!
16.Done something you regret? yes, all the time.

CURRENT:

1.Clothes? jeans, a brown tshirt, and my slippers=)
2.Music? dashboard confessional. i love them
3.Make-up? just eye liner. dont wear that much anymore=D
4.Annoyance? nothing at the moment.
5.Smell? my perfume. sweet temptation. love it!
6.Favorite artist? dont have one really..
7.Desktop picture? its like this water thing.. its called AZUL on my comp
8.Book your reading? child called "it" -- again. i love that book.
9.Cd in player? a cd i made.
10.Dvd in player? idk.. i think the notebook.
11.Color of toenails? RED

LAST PERSON:

1.You touched? my mom
2.Hugged? my brother
3.You imed? brittiny
4.You kissed? mike.

ARE YOU:

1.Understanding? most of the time. well i think
2.Open-minded? yess
3.Arrogant? nope
4.Insecure? no not really
5.Interesting? i can be.

6.Hungry? nahh
7.Smart? yeah. i think i am, when i wanna be
8.Moody? at times yeah
9.Hardworking? when i wanna be
10.Organized? yes
11.Healthy? yes
12.Shy? depends who im around. but most of the time no
13.Attractive? people say i am.
14.Bored easily? kinda depends.
15.Responsible? yeahh
16.Obsessed? nahh
17.Angry? nope, havent been in a long time.
18.Sad? nahh havent been in a while.

19.Disappointed? nope
20.Happy? yes.
21.Hyper? nahh i wouldnt say that
22.Trusting? yupp
23.Talkative? most of the time. sometimes i just keep to myself.
24.Legal? yeah i think?

WHO DO YOU WANNA:

1.Kill?: no one
2.Slap?: no one really..
3.Get high with?: idk
4.Look like?: no one. just myself dawg
5.Talk to offline?: christian!!!
6.Talk to online?: friends man
7.Hang out with?: christian

RANDOM:

1.In the morning I am: im tired.
2.All I need is: idk.. ??
3.Love is: never really been in love. so i wouldnt know. i heard its good.
4.I dream about: the gayest shit

WHICH IS BETTER?

1.Coke or Pepsi: coke!
2.Flowers or Candy: candy
3.Tall or short: tall
4.Liquor or beer? liquor

RANDOM:

1.What do you notice first: persons eyes, smile, and height.
2.Last person you danced with: either jerome at homecoming. or
jason at snowcoming we did the "slide to the left, slide to the right,
take it back now ya'll" << that song.
3.Worst question to ask me: to ask you? or ask me? idk

4.Who makes you laugh the most?: collett - or christian
5.Who makes you smile: lots of people.
6.Who gives you a funny feeling: christian. but its a good funny feeling
7.Who do you have a crush on: CHRISTIAN
8.Who has a crush on you: well i hope christian. and whoever else. idk who does

DO YOU EVER?:

1.Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM you: no man. i have a life
2.Save conversations: only like important ones.
3.Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: lmao sometimes. me and collett wish we
had a penis. yeah dont ask.
4.Wish you were younger: no
5.Cry because someone said something to you: yeah if it was really like mean.

NUMBER:

1.Of times i have had my heart broken: like 545423154 gazillion times by 1 guy. so
.. i guess just once?
2.Of hearts i have broken: im not sure.
3.Of girls i've kissed: havent done that yet, dont know if i ever will.
4.Of guys i've kissed: 3
5.Of continents i have lived in: just one
6.Of tight friends: i dont really have any tight friends. but colletts always been
there. so her. so i guess thats only 1
7.Of cds i own? dude. lots
8.Of scars on body: 2- one on my arm. and 1 on my foot. when i fell off my
porch. lmfao. im so gay

my day/night

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 05:31:01 GMT

my day .. uh woke up at 11 cleaned the house then went outside.
around maybe 1130 christian walked over.. and chilled for a little
then he left.. and i played cool games like football, kickball, and
pickle with my brother and his friends. yeah i did that til like 330.
then i think around 4? christian, joe, and ola stopped by then chilled
til about 430ishh and that was pretty much it.

then tonight.. i went to amc with joe christian and ola and we
seen ring 2. ahh it was uh a little scary. it was fun though.
then the movie was over at like 1030 and we dropped ola off, then
me joe and christian went back to christians then went to coney
island. yeah.. it was fun. me and christian talked about "things"
finally! ive been waiting for a long time to tell him about shit.
but yeah.. that was my night. pretty fun.

well yeah im out though.

-arin

HAPPY EASTER!!

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 05:49:09 GMT

um my easter was ok. i spent the entire day with my mom dad and ty.
it was actually cool, for once.<3 yeah i chilled with my bro a lot.
we drove his hummer. god i love it!! its so cool. then uhh we played
football.. lol it was cool.

umm christian isnt mad at me:D umm he never was. he sucha butt, but
gotta love him right?! :D

yeah and my night was kinda just spent with my mom. i actually kinda
had fun with my family. its kinda weird. but yeah..

* write later

<3christian*

shittt

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 15:38:32 GMT

okay.. well yesterday was gay. AGAIN. umm i got up around maybe idk
1230 ate and shit then went to walgreens with my mom to get film for
my camera. came home.. and kinda fell back asleep and got up at
around 3. ryan called. talked to him for a little bit. then um around
maybe 6 thomas - his cousin - and jordan came over and chilled. then
around 630 ryan josh victor and ricky came over and chilled for a
while. then around maybe 8? christian joe and mike came over then
we all went to taco bell.. and i guess christian is mad at me bc i
said something stupid=(.. yeah it sucks. hopefully everything will
work out? idk though =/ yeah but i was really tired and went to bed
at like 1030 and i was gunna get up at like 1130 and come online but
i ended up not doin that. but yeah.. my days are boring, but nights
are cool. k well im out.. PEACE

comment? i guess idc.

<3chrisitan

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 16:45:07 GMT

my day yesterday was retarded. um i woke up.. chilled for a while then
i went tanning. i just chilled home the WHOLE night. then around maybe
idk 1230? ryan lutz and ryan fenton came over.. and we just chilled for
a little bit. they left maybe around idk 1245. they didnt stay that
long. then around 1 maybe 130 i talked on the phone with a cool kid 8-)..
yeah i got off the comp around 2 and started watchin "fear" I LOVE
THAT MOVIE. then at 215 there were cars outside my house.. and joes
car was gettin toilet papered. lmao. yeah it was funny. then around
3 i got off the phone with ryan. yeah then went to bed. my night
just kinda sucked.. hopefully today will be better.

collett. congrats;) im happy for you. really...

<3 arin

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 18:12:27 GMT

i just realized that she deserves him..
shes crazy about him more than i ever was.

<3